i was kinda shocked

when i realized that i couldn't see up close. then i was even MORE shocked to learn that people should go to the eye doctor like they go to the dentist.
i haven't been to an eye doctor in probably almost 25 years. i'm super farsighted. and i got these cool glasses. i'm not sure how i feel about this but if
it lightens my eye load at the end of the day, it's sooo worth looking dorky.

yes PLEASE.

red envelope has a *new?* line of vintage inspired jewelery. i am INSPIRED. wow.

aaaaand

this is why i love etsy.

if i had 500 dollars and knew kevin costner, there would be some serious role playing going on in baden, pa.

back into the swing of things

i blogged nada my whole 3 months off. i cannot believe it! partially due to the fact i was a mess and busy as hell, partially due to the fact our computer died.
i'm back at work, the kids go back to daycare this thursday. yesterday at work was interesting. trying to get back into it was a little hairy. after about 5 hours, my fingers started to magically remember key commands and my brain started to wake up and remember where everything was and how we do things here. i cried a lot monday, my emotions were all over the place but now i'm feeling more in control. i've come to realize... i'm a control freak. i never EVER used to be this way. i have to control every detail of my life and i leave nothing to change, or up to anybody else. this in a lot of ways is good but in lots of ways, NOT so good. like how craig is used to me doing everything for him, and when i ask him to do something he looks at me like i'm crazy. oh he'll DO it, he's just not used to me asking for help. i know i cannot do it all though and i think that fact along with the fact that now that we are a 4-some will calm me down some. gonna have to let go and just let life flow. even with a dirty floor.

on another note, guess what!? we are going on the gateway clipper for craig's xmas party! i got this little anne klein number and it fits so comfy and makes me feel really pretty. date night, here we come!

here he is...

this post is fashionably late, just like his mother usually is.

colton sawyer spec is here. and he's awesome.

in the wee early morning hours on august 14th, i woke up to some mild-ish (what i thought* to be contractions) and figured they were braxton hicks, like i had had before. so i tried to go back to sleep. no dice. i was hurting. i got up, puffed around, walked around... he was wriggling around inside me and i felt huge. and it was one of those things... not sure to wake craig, get him all excited or not! so i sat down at our dining room table and googled for a bit. the more i looked, the more i was convinced. yep. i'm in labor. the early stages. i timed them a bit. 7 min apart. for 1 hour. whoa. this is totally it. i got craig up around 5:30. he started timing them in our bed while i grabbed onto my pillow every time i'd contract and say, "ouch, ow.. OW! damnit!!" around an hour later, they got to be abt 5 min apart, at 30 sec to a minute long. i knew. i just knew and i said, "ok, i'm taking a shower, call your parents." i thought i'd have some time to mess around and i'd read that some women "take a relaxing bath, or make food for the upcoming week to freeze." are you KIDDING ME? it was going fast and furious. i wasn't going to be making lasagna anytime soon...

as i tried to dry my hair, i thought about my impending doom. i was going for no epidural. and i could barely dry my hair. it hurt. bad. craig was getting lottie ready in her room, and somehow, part of me knew that this was not going well. i stopped drying to peek in. she had an xmas "peace on earth" shirt on in the middle of august and some pink shorts. *sigh* i was annoyed, i'm not going to lie, but then i realized, ok, he's just as freaked out as i am. our tripod is going to be a quadpod soon. whoa. so i laughed (ish) and just redressed her with layers.

his parents came and were sitting at our dining room table, and even though i was in MASSIVE pain, i went in and was like, "hi! how are YOU guys!?" very surreal. they were more like, "um, ok... how are YOU?" i was going to shat out a baby soon. i was not ok.

they took charlotte and her bag (that we packed that morning) ugh. it pays to preplan people. i didn't even have my bag done. idiotic. i think i was in denial. we started to drive off to the sewickley hospital. with all the taxes that people in sewickley pay, you'd think their roads would be a little more less... well, pot-holey. i felt every BUMP, THUMP and THUD in those cobblestone roads and then some on beaver street. good lord. sweet baby jesus. i was reeling.

we finally got to the hospital and they took our names down and info and i waited with craig in the ER waiting room for a nurse to come get me with a wheelchair. with every contraction i was like a wet cat clawing my way up a curtain. except it was me, clawing my way up craig's arm. dawn finally came and got me, and took me upstairs. i got undressed and into the bed. i still had unrealistic expectations of delivery. "i don't want an epidural... just maybe.. well, something to take the edge off?" she wasn't really interested in what i had to say, and just said, "sure honey... we could do ... " and all i heard from that point on was the charlie brown teacher. *whah whah whah...* i said, "i can get up and walk around right? through the contractions?" she said, "whatever you feel like doing!" zero guidance. i felt like doing NONE of it. i laid there and banged my head of the side of the bed. through. every. contraction.

finally i gave in and requested the meds. the man with large needle was there in a few minutes and it was the best 600 bucks i ever spent. i made it through 5.5 hours of labor and that was enough for me.

before i knew it i was in lala land. the land of no contractions. it was an amazing lush, green forest and i was the fairy princess. craigs father had come to the hospital. was it ok if he came into our room? SURE!! let's gab! i had tons of things to say. i was feeling NO pain. i felt awesome. before i knew it, it was time to push. what? the nurse had checked me and i was fully dialated?? i wasn't ready! i was the fairy princess that felt no pain!! ugh. plus i was tired. ok, craig's dad had to leave. it was time to push. blah.

they would instruct me to bear down. i did. i pooped. twice to be exact. i asked craig, "did i poop?" he said, "a little" and i'd push less hard. how insane. i'm pooping all over the table. ugh. then i just though, let's get it over with. they told me the cord was wrapped around his neck and with the next push, i had to push HARD, then when they said, "stop" i had to stop or i'd strangle him. and in the next breath told me it was "completely normal." so i pushed like hell and stopped when they said stop. and i pooped and pushed and pretty much in that push, lil' c. was here. and he was gray. and not breathing. and the nurse on my left said, "he's not breathing." and dawn said, "YES he is, he's fine" and they smacked, rubbed and did god knows what to him until i heard him scream. that few seconds of gray silence was the scariest shit EVER. i would've rather faced an armed home invader than think my baby was dead. and he was getting pink. and he was on my belly. IN LOVE.

i'll spare you the part about the doctor coming in, the episiotomy, the blood squirting onto her shirt....he was whisked away to be measured and because the whole thing happened so quick, all we have are cell phone pics. i didn't even have my bag! the room emptied. he was back with me. he was ready to nurse. it was like riding a bicycle. i lifted my shirt and he latched like nobody's business. smart guy. special baby. my special little guy. we are bonded for life now. as i fed him i thought, "this is the craziest thing ever... and the best and he's mine. ours forever and will be bigger and me and possibly his father someday."

the rest was history. our history. the four of us.

mixed emotions

i'm pretty sure i want out of this current body i have... but i know i'll miss it when it's gone.
having a boy and a girl kinda takes the pressure off of the "what if" of having a third one. as in, if this was another girl, there'd be a "what if" we tried for a third and "what if" if was a boy. let's face it, kids are expensive!

i'm puffy, sweaty, dehydrated and let's face it... "things" are getting awkward. the good kinda things and bad kinda things. bad kinda things being laundry, carrying charlotte, bathing her, reading to her at night, cleaning etc. good kinda things being nunya.

part of me is sad, here at 39 weeks because i feel as though there aren't many more life milestones to look forward to. i know that's technically not true though. someday i want a new house. my kids might play sports, or be musically inclined and i'll get to see them develop a talent, someday i want to have grandchildren...

so, i guess that it is with a heavy heart that i let this chapter go soon, and start a new one. one where there's just the four of us instead of the three of us.

and i'm pretty excited about that.

wow

so i'm almost there. i feel pretty lucky and am starting to get nervous/scared/anxious... i am peeing a LOT and there's some pain down there. i wonder if i'll go the full 40 weeks like i did with charlotte? i have a doc appt today so maybe he'll check my cervix and we can see what's going on.

You are considered full-term now and your baby's final touches are being made. The crown-to-rump length of your baby is now 14 inches and the total length is around 21 inches. Your baby weighs approximately 6.5 pounds. Your uterus may be measuring about the same as it has been and is probably about 6.5 inches from the top of your bellybutton.

This week your baby should engage into your pelvis. If this is not your first pregnancy, it may happen later. When your baby engages, his head drops down into your pelvis and you might feel a slight sensation called `lightening` as the pressure on your ribs eases. As your baby drops into the final position for delivery, you may experience a buzzing feeling and shooting pains in your groin and leg. Normally, you will be able to breathe and eat easier. However, your uterus pushes down harder on your bladder and you will have an increased urge to urinate more frequently. Even if your baby engages now, you still possibly feel his feet in your breastbone around week 40.

Your baby is now fully mature and ready to be born. However, your baby is still growing and developing every day. Fat is still being laid down at a rate of a half ounce a day. If this is your first pregnancy, you can expect to deliver closer to 40 weeks or shortly thereafter. If this is not your first baby, you might go earlier than 40 weeks! Make sure that your bags are packed for the hospital and remember to preregister for admission.

Your doctor may begin doing weekly pelvic exams to evaluate your cervical changes and progression. Your healthcare provider will make sure that you are not leaking amniotic fluid and will also examine your cervix to check for effacement and dilation. Before labor, your cervix is thick and 0% effaced. During labor your cervix thins out and right before delivery it will become very soft and 100% effaced.

Research shows your baby can be affected by stress hormones. Make time to relax, to have fun, and to rest.

pinterest obsessed

so i'm finally PINNING!

i'm pretty excited. there's way too much stuff on the net that i needed to file and i started "folders" on my computer but that is just insanity.

initially the site scared me but it's SO AWESOME. i almost even have craig using it... we'll see. except instead of art, home inspiration and books, it'll be trucks, chainsaws, etc. would you expect any less?

you are 3 and i'm knocked up...

basically that sums it up.

you've moved to the pre-school room. you LOVE it. you're doing faaabulous there except for that 1 kid you apparently kicked in the eye yesterday but i feel that was an emotional fluke. we all have days like that. you're learning colors and making new friends (and phrases like, "you got it dude!") and SEVERAL others i can't even think of right now, but each time you bust one out i have to laugh.

it's great, i can bribe you now that you're 3. i got the BEST pictures from a groupon - i promised you that if you smiled we'd go to build a bear. you have NO idea what build a bear is but you were SO excited. double win.

you are SO funny. the other night, daddy went in your room and covered you up like he always does before he leaves and you were a little bit awake. he said, "go back to sleep, i love you!" and you said, "can i have a pahsicle?" (popsicle) and he said, "not now, maybe when you wake up, i love you!" and you said, "i always love.... pahsicles...." and don't you know the FIRST thing you asked me for in the morning at 7am was a purple pahsicle.

you hate ranch dressing and ketchup.

you love spongebob and bubble guppies... and bubbles in general!

you finally love your quad, but need a bigger one! you LOVE riding on daddy's big quad in between me, him with colton pressing into your little back.

you LOVE the ocean. (you swear you do but i think you don't remember how badly the waves scared you) on the wall at preschool, you colored a beach ball because you're all learning about the beach, and it says "charlotte loves collecting shells at the beach." do you know how proud i felt that i saved for over a year to take us on a trip to myrtle beach - all cash and saved for over TWO years to get us a decent vehicle to get us there? you inspire me to do great things and make your time on earth fun and important.

well i'm a little off since your 3rd birthday was in april, but i felt compelled to tell you (almost 4 months late) how much i love you and how amazing i think you are. i love when i hear your excited little voice say "mommy mommy!!!" when i pick you up and i feel the same way. i'm so glad you're mine.

xoxo,
mommy

it was fate...

that i found three birds
she's a natural birth advocate. and while she's having her baby at home with zero drugs, i'm going to try to have my baby in a hospital with zero drugs...

we're pretty much on the same path (4 weeks to go) and i really feel as though i need to trust my body. induction was ridiculous. it was annoying. i was scared, misinformed and young(er) than i am now. if its one thing i've learned after 33 years on the earth, it's "if it doesn't feel right, it's not." and it's funny because i usually am a very go with the flow type person but i just feel strongly about this. i know that i will be wishing that the baby comes out right on his due date, but i'm pretty sure he won't. they never do. but i have to trust the person growing inside me to know when the "time is right."

here's an excerpt from her blog, which i feel that i could've written myself i feel SO similarly to her:

When did we subscribe to this thinking that our babies and our bodies don't know how to birth without synthetic drugs? This topic angers me so much mostly because I was forced by my doctor to induce labor with Conrad and knowing what I know now about inducting, I credit my induction to my emergency cesarean.

Instead of getting anxious about going over my due date, or wondering when the baby will come, I've been trying to say affirming statements about birth to myself.
-God has equipped me to birth this baby. My baby will be the perfect size to fit.
-The baby will come when it is ready to come.
-My body will nurture this baby until it is ready to arrive.
-There is no reason to stress over when it will come.

"Inducing labor means to force it to begin. It is sometimes necessary when the continued pregnancy itself is a threat to the mother's life, as in the case of a diabetic mother whose pregnancy is too stressful, aggravating the diabetes into a life threatening situation. This would be a medical reason and the proper use of induction. Such cases are rare. (There has been a dramatic rise in the labor induction rate in the last 15 years. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the rate of inductions was 9.5% in 1990. In 2003, the rate more than doubled to reach 20.6%. Imagine where it is now! The world health organization suggests a rate no higher than 10% induction, world wide.)

The majority of inductions are done today for what can only be termed "frivolous" or very questionable reasons. Induction for convenience or because the woman has gone past her "due date" with no other medical reason for induction is highly questionable and oftentimes dangerous.

Forcing labor to Begin is usually a rough business for the woman. An artificial hormone, contracting the uterus, is dripped into her arm intravenously.

The effect it can have on the uterine muscles is alarming. Your own natural hormone contracts the long muscles of the uterus progressively from the top downward toward the cervix in a wave like action. The contraction builds slowly to a peak of it's strength.

Induction can cause violent contractions which make the muscles contract all over at once. It feels like a big crunch. It feels stronger and it cuts the uterus off from circulation longer than nature intended. That blood supply to the uterus is also the baby's oxygen supply.

(No wonder babies often times don't react well to induction and need to be delivered another way....)

A forced labor is an extremely hard labor. It is difficult for the two of you to work with it. The woman in a forced labor often starts with a self doubt emotional signpost and stays that way for the entire labor (this was my experience with Conrad.) She is apt to feel overwhelmed. If both of you are looking forward to an unmediated, enjoyable labor experience, then you should know that an induced labor makes your goal difficult. Most woman feel it is an extremely painful experience.

this might not be ok....

so craig bought a quad... i told him the doctor told me i'm not allowed on it, 9 months pregnant. think he believed me? i told him she told me, "it will hurt his brain and stunt his growth." don't get me wrong, it's fun to zoom around the farm, but i cannot wait to leave my "other passenger" behind!! it's getting to the point where it's hard to sleep. the baby is strong. even if i'm dead tired, he can kick me awake. i'll feel an elbow or knee roll across my stomach then JAB my rib. it's painful. and i've started having braxton hicks contractions too. and they are getting bad. i thought i was going to fall over in ikea yesterday but just made it to the bathroom to vomit. i think he's invading my stomach with his limbs! not long now... not long now... GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!!!

date night

i love this idea posted @ the idea room. it's not that we're lame but we're both just so tired and busy. busy with a capital B. i never KNEW i could be THIS busy!! i'm  constantly giving baths, brushing teeth, doing laundry, fixing snacks, .....and craig is constantly working, or fixing somebody's
chainsaws or cutting grass... you get the point.

it's hard because at the end of the day we really just want to plop and lay silent and watch a few minutes of tv. then before his head even hits the pillow usually, he's snoring. our trip to myrtle was great, it was an enclosed space, and we got to talk. nothing too deep,
but it was even nice just to share the air for hours on end.

before this new baby comes in 7 weeks, we need to get out to dinner and a movie. i have gift certificates for both things, so it would be a relatively cheap, nice thing for us to do.

here's a list i'm going to bring, (if we ever get out)

WHILE YOU EAT YOUR APPETIZER

1. Name three countries you would like to visit.

2. Which celebrity annoys you the most?

3. How would you spend 10,000,000 dollars? (My husband loves this question.)

4. If you could try out any occupation for a year, what would it be?

5. On a scale of 1 to 10 how cool are you?

OVER THE MAIN COURSE

1. If you could rewind to any point in your past, what would you want to relive?

2. If you could take lessons to become an expert at anything, what would it be?

3. How would you spend a perfect day alone?

4. What would you want us to do together for the next ten years if you knew they were our last?

5. What's the most honest thing you have ever done?

6. How would you like people to describe you at your funeral?

 

WHILE SHARING DESSERT, or eating your very own

1. Hollywood called, they want to make a movie about your life, who would play you?

2. Name something you love that no one seems to like. (Or name something that everyone seems to love except for you.)

3. What's the one item you own that you know you should get rid of but never will?

4. Name one thing you miss about our dating years? (Then talk about how you can make it a part of your dating again.)

5. Last one, make it good! What's something positive about me that you don't say often enough? (Then decide to say it more.)

 

Remember, these are not one sided questions. You both need to answer them. The coolest part, this will get the conversation going and then you can take it from there. You will find that the questions might seem funny or silly, but they can lead to other great conversations that you didn't even know would happen. Happy Dating, Love birds.

blogging binge

i guess i could use pinterest but blogging about 1 certain thing seems better/an easier way to share what i think is interesting!
and this is interesting. look at this space, from here completely transformed by 3 plants. unreal.

you know it's a pirate when ya hear em' say... ARRRRRRR

i got this awesome necklace yesterday at american greetings. i won't tell you how much, but let's just say... under 101 pennies. crazy right? orig. 39.99.
they were having a great sale and i got several things for gifts, etc. because it was all so beautiful. but this booty is mine. i'll probably feel stupid when i wear it, like the time i painted my finger nails purple... but
it's just so awesome.

a fun, stylish, craft.

so, charlotte's artwork is adorable, i have some framed even. however, i think we can take this finger painting to a new level....

i really want to buy some old, wornout books and make potato stamps and stamp the pages and frame them with some ikea matted frames. i do believe i'm running out of wall space. i'll have to post pics if i ever get around to this! life is crazy busy. maybe on maternity leave! i should probably save some things for the 3 months (whoo hoooo!!!) that i'll be off with colton and charlotte. 

every once in awhile....

i see some things i need. clearly, i need one of these... hm... which one... 

my besties

it's back to reality after a week of fun in the sun and not so fun driving. i had a blast. i KNOW charlotte had a blast and the fact that craig said he'd do it again next year means he had a good time too. he'd never admit to a blast.

coral obsessed

i bought some coral nailpolish on my lunchbreak and now i'm obsessed. anything coral. give it to me!
it's such a cheery color and looks great with anything. (especially a tan, which i hope to get at myrtle beach this year)

when planets align...

about a month or so ago, i made this labor of love for the baby's room... then purely by accident found a handmade matching lightswitch on etsy at this girl's store!!

oh, the things that make me happy...

i love little hidden ebay gems...

like this awesome necklace for 4.99 shipped. of course with it being so cheap i did worry about quality, but the seller put my mind at ease with this disclaimer:


"

and the item is high quality ,so pls do not worry about this

very faminine and royal for you ,the necklace is very briliant in any meeting of friends  or wedding party .you will be unique  princess or beautiful young lady or girl

Buy it now .it will go your home"

thank god. i'm very concerned with looking more faminine and royal!