going through the motions

ever feel like you're going through the motions of life? i cannot keep up with things and i always feel this impending feeling of being a hamster on a wheel. does anybody else feel this way?  work and kids take so much out of me that there's really no time for much else. i see all my friends doing cool things, going cool places. me? not so much.

i feel like there's more out there. i'm going to have to explore.

i want to be one of those people that doesn't have a spot in the back of their brain that nags them while they sit at work that the kitchen counter is messy, or that the xmas decorations still need to be put away, or the fact that the family is bumping elbows in their tiny house and WHY do i have to wait until we have more equity to start the new house project? because i'm responsible. i've become responsible. it happened. it finally happened. and it's kinda boring. but it's kinda awesome too i guess. i don't have to worry that the bill collectors are coming after me. or which awesome restaurant or bar i'll blow too much money at. you know why? because my money is already blown on new shoes for the kids, or a head scan because charlotte ran into our kitchen counter and was vomiting the next day. head scans are totally the responsible way to spend your hard earned adult cash.

i know that my children are a blessing. i totally get it. nobody ever said this parent stuff would be easy and it's not. i felt like it used to be, but with 2, everything is magnified. i don't feel that freedom to just take off to target, or go shopping all day by myself or spend hours on the internet looking at eye candy. it's not feasible. instead it's filled with who doesn't have what/who needs what/do i have shampoo, soap, baby wipes, diapers, etc and "how will i pay for purple light up shoes" because charlotte "needs" them.

i feel like i miss my husband too. we work all day then come home and it is ALL about the kids. TOTALLY. then by the time it's bedtime he falls asleep in charlotte's bed until 10, then it's time to go to sleep for real. note to self, date night. PRONTO.

i meander a lot. see how i meandered with this blog post. world's worst meandering blog post.

bottom line, suck it up d. we need some sunshine!