it's one of those dreary, crappy, erie days where i am just experiencing inner.. um.. turmoil. i think it's a killer erie combo of the sunlight lasting till five, and then going home to an empty apartment. i've gotten pretty comfortable with being "alone in my own head" though. i used to really hate that. it used to be a pretty f*cked up place to be. it's healing though.
i think it was also the fact that the other night i was drinking wine, and gabbing with girlfriends, one of whom is pregnant, one married, and my best friend who is engaged. (the pregnant one was only drinking water though!)
but, it's just hard to get all excited and be happy for them, when it's something i want so badly for myself. i feel like such a bad friend. and, i realize nothing is perfect, i mean, the married one MAY or MAY not be a lesbian... so ....
however, i just am going through my I WANT EVERYTHING NOW, AND I DON'T WANT TO WAIT DAMNIT. my mom makes comments too like, "you'd think you'd have a ring by now... you'd think craig would want to secure you!" pretty strange. i think that he is secure and that's why i DON'T have a ring. you know? i mean, it totally makes sense. i was always an impatient little kid.... trouble following directions, things of that nature.
i dunno why i'm even writing this. i think it's theraputic. oh well. i guess i just never knew what "my biological clock is tickin'" meant... and um.. now i do.