Thursday, September 15, 2005

reality check.

... is what i need. as if buying my wedding dress wasn't a slap into the now. i am really floating in the clouds with this whole prospect of having promised my entire life, hopes, dreams, body to one person. it doesn't seem real. i wonder when we're together finally, if it will feel like i'm playing house. will i be upset at having been ripped from the only life i've known, and made for myself? it is worth it to give up for another person? when i ask myself this honestly the answer is, "yes." it's all going to be worth it. devon i say, (sometimes i call myself devon) devon i say, "what is your problem? girl, please get your head out of your ass. seriously. what have you done thus far? i mean, you work at some crappy design job, with the occasional creative bone tossed to now and again... but face facts hunny, it's not stimulating. you're dying there. you hate sitting at your desk. you hate your new source of direction. so.. you've made a life for yourself. great. but are you saving money at the end of the month? no. would you like to come back to somebody who faintly smells like musty sweat mixed with machine shop waiting to give you a hug? ... sometimes. you've gotten too used to being alone dev. not heathy chica. oh you. it's all going to be ok. you'll see. you're stronger than you THINK you are. btw, shave your legs."


Mary said...

I can understand having a "reality check" moment since you an Craig have never lived together. See, me and Patrick been shacked up for quite some time now and I know I can deal LOL... Hell, I've BEEN dealing with it, but we just need to stop this livin' in sin and get to the LEGAL part of it LOL

Anyways, it would be strange having the feeling of having been on your own for so long to suddenly be wifey! But, it'll all be good :)

Dave said...

Get your head out yo' ass, girl! While these are probably not unusual thoughts for a bride-to-be, you are thinking about it entirely backwards. Right now you're saying "What will I lose when I get married?"

You need to get to "I can't wait to see what new adventures await me, because I know that I found the guy I want to share them with." pronto. You shouldn't have to "give up" anything when you get married. You'll still be the Devon we all love after you get married.

>>would you like to come back to somebody who faintly smells like musty sweat mixed with machine shop waiting to give you a hug? ... sometimes.<< Come on, be honest, with all the times you've talked about hating being alone at night? You'll want every single one, even if you do have to rush him off to the shower a moment after, and before you have kids, that's where the fun starts. ;-)

As for your job, go do something about it! If you need change, change! Create your own work. If it's something you really like, I bet if you trust your insticts, soon you won't need your crappy design job.

I will only say this in terms of "words of wisdom" from someone who has been married almost 10 years: Marriage only takes what you have together and makes it more so, and having a child increases that ten-fold. So, if things are as good as you have said before, you have a great life waiting for you. Look forward to that, it will be different, but better.

Oh, and most of the time, it still feels like we are playing house, it's the dirtiest game of house ever, but still...;-)


pasteljunkie said...

shave your pits too!

Melissa said...

You crack me up, girly. :-)

Don't worry too much. Sure, it's a change, but it's a change for the better! Think of it this way, you'll have less chores to do! Ha! Anyway, living with someone and sharing everything with them and all doesn't mean you have to give up your individuality. You can still be you, I'm sure that's what he loves! And you'll find that you have time alone too. Rob and I are both needy so we don't really like time alone, but when I need it, I easily get it.

You're going to love it. It's going to make your strong relationship even stronger. If you love spending time with him, and I know you do, wouldn't spending more time with him be even better? :-)

And you know you need to get outta your job. You are so freakin talented that you should be doing greater things! Amazing things! And you will. This is going to be an awesome start to the rest of your life!

davpunk said...

ill throw the wrench into everyones thoughts-cos thats what I do best. :P Youre thinking the exact things you should be. Have you done enough with your life to as an individual to consider it "good enough?" Have you sown your seeds as Devon the girl, the woman, the designer? Not Devon and Craig or whatever his name is. Right now youre comfortable enough to let it all go? Everyone says that nothing changes, but the reality is that it does- things slow down, your needs often take a back burner to your better half. You have to make a relationship work, thats hard. and takes time and energy. Is that bad? No. The question is, is it the right time for you?

Jeope said...

What's with the 'tude? Sure, you're freaking out some, but you've been spending a good chunk of the past while wishing and waiting for this thing to happen. So what's with the doubt? Do it. It's what you want. And if you cats gel like I know you will, there's no reason to be "giving anything up". Dudo loves you? Then there will be compromise-o-plenty. He'll respect your vision and the path you want for yourself.

Dave said...

>>So what's with the doubt? Do it. <<

Interesting thoughts, Jeope! Guess the intake valve is clogged, but the output valve is wide open! heheheehehe, just joshin'..

And Devon, being married doesn't make you any less you, unless you let it. Get a big bounce on the end of that diving board and take the plunge fearlessly, and don't spaz just before you hit the water, that's when you're most likely to get hurt.



Jeope said...

Put a sock in it, Dave! I been married four times already. You're a lightweight.

But yeah, he's right – so bear in mind DG: I'm all talk when it comes to this.

devon said...

you all talkers!! lol!!! it's funny... you kinda (every once in awhile) have a "what the f*Ck is this rock doin' on MY finger?!"

maybe i just wanted to have a party and not do the whole "marriage" thing....


Deb said...

awww, devon! don't stress! this is nuthin' compared to the stress you'll have leading up to the Big Day, lol...

but reality checks are good. it shows you're not living in a fairy-tale world. it's when we come down to earth that we can see clearly.

don't think that "your" life is going to end the moment you say i do. au contraire, my dear: it is enriched by your mate... last time i checked, married women were still fully entitled to continue dreaming big!

and yeah, 1 year later it still feels like i'm playing house. this is even after we lived together for over a year before tying the knot. [which btw i highly recommend, especially for recovering catholics such as ourselves ;) ]