Thursday, September 15, 2005
... is what i need. as if buying my wedding dress wasn't a slap into the now. i am really floating in the clouds with this whole prospect of having promised my entire life, hopes, dreams, body to one person. it doesn't seem real. i wonder when we're together finally, if it will feel like i'm playing house. will i be upset at having been ripped from the only life i've known, and made for myself? it is worth it to give up for another person? when i ask myself this honestly the answer is, "yes." it's all going to be worth it. devon i say, (sometimes i call myself devon) devon i say, "what is your problem? girl, please get your head out of your ass. seriously. what have you done thus far? i mean, you work at some crappy design job, with the occasional creative bone tossed to now and again... but face facts hunny, it's not stimulating. you're dying there. you hate sitting at your desk. you hate your new source of direction. so.. you've made a life for yourself. great. but are you saving money at the end of the month? no. would you like to come back to somebody who faintly smells like musty sweat mixed with machine shop waiting to give you a hug? ... sometimes. you've gotten too used to being alone dev. not heathy chica. oh you. it's all going to be ok. you'll see. you're stronger than you THINK you are. btw, shave your legs."